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Sunday, April 25, 2010

As I

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As I ……
 As I sit here and think of all the shit people in my life have said .
I think to myself, how in the hell did I get to this place of emotional darkness once again ?
Why I’ve  succumb to laying alone at night with crying tears in my bed?
I think of  hidden up pain, built up anger and sadness, mental and emotional frustration and suppression.
Just all the things that I have unfortunately decided to keep within myself as my trust for tons of people, is now not a part of my ungiven action and unreturned satisfaction.
Damn,  I ask  again why and when the fuck …did I get here again? To this unforeseen place of gloomy and internal darkness where the shadow of a person that I see at times is ME.
I think of all the people from my life who the uttered words saying ” I will be there” but now walk around and leave me with no  real Fucking care. I begin to think again to myself “Why are the ones whom you love and trust…. are the ones whom hold the most power to HURT you?
Hmm, or is it just me that has given those close; the power of hurting me, I don’t know and wonder if I truly care?  You see I’ve now decided to allow my heart and I too grow into an element of being  cold .
Go without the good understanding of emotions and even potential real feelings,
To stop myself from potentially caring and loving so much to be in a dusty box and not being fucking touched. Hmm, I have decided to allow myself to go this far.
And at the end I have realized it’s just me and myself and I with my soul again; that I was discarded with no real  hope, destination and outlet. I feel like it’s gone just like the person that use I be..... which was all of me.
So as I lay here in this bed with all this hidden deepen emotion…. I keep in mind to know not to have any major huge expectations of anyone because it always leads itself to some type of disappointment. When you have no expectations, plus added no disappointment, it equals to no future heartache and pain.
By: Poetic_Butterfly
 © C.P 2010
04/25/2010

24 comments:

Cook.ThePoet. said...

S M H. You just put my last 2 weeks into a verse. These are the exact emotions thats I've been feeling for a while but they are so deep to me that I'm not even able to put them into words. Luckily you were. This is amazing. that someone else is feeling how i am. got me over here tear cause im like damn, this is me in these lines. thank you for this one cause i now know that someone else feels my pain as well. ='(

-Cook.ThePoet.

Poetic_Butterfly said...

Thanks for the comment Cook:) I appreciate it

Katlynne LaSalle said...

Hey Love! This is deep and expressive--a well written description of what you're feeling. The answer to your questions lie within your poem. Your writing is what can help you work through these frustrations, disappointments, and painful experiences.

No one likes to be hurt, but soon, I start to thank God for the lessons I'm going to get out of the heartache. I start to thank God that I am alive and able to experience the full range of emotions He or She (LOL) has given me. There are so many others who cannot. So many others who are numb and perhaps become mean or hard hearted, or even evil, because of what they've gone through.

I know that won't be you. You're gonna get through this by staying true to yourself. If you are open and loving, which I think you are, stay that way. That is a wonderful gift/attribute! and it will pay off with more good Karma than bad. Look who's talking, right? LOL

Poetic_Butterfly said...

Thanks I appreciate your comment alot all you mentioned it really meant alot, thanks so much and with the support, much love

Miss Carmel said...

i like:)

Fred said...

It good. Really good. I mean it really f'ing good. I really like that last line.

Jaye Develle said...

Best one yet baby ;) very talented.

India Griffin said...

You, my dear, r a genius!! I really felt every word of this poem and u had me near tears. Good job grl. Wow!!! Thnx 4 sharing.

Miss.Fortune said...

as i was reading this..all of your words were preparing me to put your last paragraph into my own words until i read it and i said "we are on the same page"
some of us learn the hard way about ppl. me personally i tend to trust those that may not be too deserving of my trust..love those who dont know how to love back.. that just goes with my character but i've also learned that you have to live life to please you and not others..you cant trust and love everybody. if there is something you can do yourself, then do so just to shy away from the disappointment that person may cause..eventually everyone in your life will disappoint you one way or another but its not the end of the word its the day you realize we are all human.

hot girl said...

cute...

hot girl said...

nice

Amber No Rose said...

I feel this. I think we all have been there. That dark lonely feeling like no one cares.. it sucks but you know it will get better with time.

Anonymous said...

I guess you may want to get a twitter button to your website. Just marked down the url, however I had to do this manually. Just my 2 cents.

Anonymous said...

waiting for next post

Ulisses Reis ® said...

As you also have two Blog, has the two poems, but one is very hot and erotic, pornographic becomes and the other has more romantic poetry dedicated to women, I am Brazilian and lives in São Paulo and you will be the fourth Butterfly u I have in my Blog is a Washington, DC, it will leave the link my name is Ulysses and the other using the name of Almeida, I hope you enjoy, because I loved the two of yours, i have a beautiful night in Miami, kisses!

This is the Butterfly Urbana; http://thesoulofcamille.blogspot.com

Almeida Lucius™ said...

Beautiful, Poetic Butterfly, below my followers have a Google translator, where you can read, but maybe the meaning of poetry is not what I want to spend, but will be more delightful to read and see pictures, I love you to come and have a time for me, will always have a beautiful Saturday kisses!

urban butterfly said...

You're right, when you have no expectations of people, you are less likely to become hurt by their actions or words. But when it comes to love, it's a different world all together. When you take the risk to love someone, you risk being hurt by them. Love opens you up to being vulnerable emotionally. And we are all fragile within ourselves. Processing that pain out of you is what's best because we can't go through life not loving because of fear of pain and heartbreak. I read a quote the other day that I love, it goes something like this: "everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to find those who are worth suffering for".

JC said...

Wow, you're really pretty. I love your site. It's so evocative!

Marie said...

Christa, your tears will water your
soul and comfort her.
Trusting in folk in such a gamble,
and I admit to having a hard time
with trust- but I also know with each new day we must learn to try to trust again, despite the pain.

Ulisses Reis ® said...

I came to wish you a wonderful Christmas and very harmonious, and in 2012 it all and renew your wishes are carried out, kisses!

Come visit me and add my Facebook!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1608080514

Ulisses Reis ® said...

Happy Christmas, happy but not only at Christmas but every moment of life and with loved ones and those who love you, happy every your words read or written, happy to know that life is still worth it and that love does not in need, but it is necessary, and simply happy with your smile, thank you and have a tasty evening and with harmony,kisses! !

Peristilo said...

This is a deep and true poem! I really loved the way you expressed that loneliness we all feel sometimes. Keep wrighting these amazing poems! Kisses!

TemptingSweets99 said...

deep indeed.

Íntimas Intenções by Anita said...

Repaying the visit in my blog ... your corner is also a delight. Kisses!