Music
& Wine
I woke up with the urge
to write, listening to some music and while sipping my wine.
At times, I wish this
certain pain could go away sooner than later. I trusted someone and got
emotionally/mentally screwed over so bad in return. After being so utterly reassured
of different things from them. I fooled myself through their lack of actions.
My heart hurts so badly when I think of this. I had to admit to this pain
internally.
Pain
changes you and at times it's not for the better. I watch as I gave all the
care in the world for someone who deserved none of it. My foolish heart and
feelings were a part of this, getting caught up in your believable words, filled
with deceit. I have questions that I had to ask myself like why am I surprised?
Why did I tolerate such things? I do blame myself in this and accept my part of
the pain. Trust that was once received is now broken with quickness.
Painfully, I had to learn you can't walk in,
giving your heart all naively.
Writing this was so
hard for me, I tried to hold back those tears. Torn in between a rock and hard
place of where I had to face the facts and my tears. Emotionally I may feel
broken, just thinking of all that I had succumb myself to, some days are better
than others. But I will go on for sure, like I do every day, I just had to
reflect mentally.
I
have to forgive my heavy hurting heart and me, for not wanting to see that a
person didn't see the real me. The vulnerability that I carry from this
situation is so real. I'm letting it free flow, right here and now. When it
comes to the matters of your heart, you can't always share freely
with everyone. I call it baring my soul. I'm doing the baring for me; truthfully
it's not for everyone to know.
Along the way, I had to realize I deserved way
more than anyone could ever give me right now. Music and wine, yeah it does something to me in a calming way.
Pain is never to be considered love and love is not be pain, for that's
disappointment.
Never wait to see if a
person who love or cares for you, to see or find the value of you. If they
haven't seen it they'll never see it. See the value in yourself always.
Written by:
Poetic_ Butterfly
©July 19, 2015
5 comments:
You always deserve better than the way people treat you. However, you realized this in the end and at least you're out of the situation. My heart hurts that you're hurting. Strength and resolve. Do you.
This is deep. Your material always make me think. You are an inspiration to me and I'm a man. That speaks wonders about you Ms. Poetic Butterfly.
Blessings.....
One of the things I learn about love and loving is the love you have for another has to be equal to the love you have for self.
Sometimes in our need to be loved we unknowingly give our power away rendering us helpless in a way that prevents us for rising up and advocating for the "I", the "Me", the "self" and our spirit suffers and a soul gets bruised because in the name of love we willingly close our eyes leaving our hands outstretched in hopes that the one we invest in, the one we trust, the one we give our heart for safe keeping would guide us and catch us when we fall.
There are valuable lessons specific to you (as it is to all of us) in this experience, get the lesson, say thank you for the lesson and good parts and let the rest go. Forgive, do not forget the lessons, for "does who forget are doomed to repeat." Simply put if you fail to learn the lessons that were uniquely designed for you then you will choose the same type of person, different face, different place, same character.
Never be afraid to love, just ensure that the love for self is on equal footing. Your happiness is your responsibility; you do not abdicate that responsibility when someone comes into your life. To do that ensures heartbreak because it means we have abandoned ourselves in hopes of gaining someone else.
Peace my sistah, Champion your life
be like air and rise
live again, love again, laugh again
and always advocated for your mind, body, spirit and soul
Good night how are you, do miss you, kisses!
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