Music
& Wine
I woke up with the urge
to write, listening to some music and while sipping my wine.
At times, I wish this
certain pain could go away sooner than later. I trusted someone and got
emotionally/mentally screwed over so bad in return. After being so utterly reassured
of different things from them. I fooled myself through their lack of actions.
My heart hurts so badly when I think of this. I had to admit to this pain
internally.
Pain
changes you and at times it's not for the better. I watch as I gave all the
care in the world for someone who deserved none of it. My foolish heart and
feelings were a part of this, getting caught up in your believable words, filled
with deceit. I have questions that I had to ask myself like why am I surprised?
Why did I tolerate such things? I do blame myself in this and accept my part of
the pain. Trust that was once received is now broken with quickness.
Painfully, I had to learn you can't walk in,
giving your heart all naively.
Writing this was so
hard for me, I tried to hold back those tears. Torn in between a rock and hard
place of where I had to face the facts and my tears. Emotionally I may feel
broken, just thinking of all that I had succumb myself to, some days are better
than others. But I will go on for sure, like I do every day, I just had to
reflect mentally.
I
have to forgive my heavy hurting heart and me, for not wanting to see that a
person didn't see the real me. The vulnerability that I carry from this
situation is so real. I'm letting it free flow, right here and now. When it
comes to the matters of your heart, you can't always share freely
with everyone. I call it baring my soul. I'm doing the baring for me; truthfully
it's not for everyone to know.
Along the way, I had to realize I deserved way
more than anyone could ever give me right now. Music and wine, yeah it does something to me in a calming way.
Pain is never to be considered love and love is not be pain, for that's
disappointment.
Never wait to see if a
person who love or cares for you, to see or find the value of you. If they
haven't seen it they'll never see it. See the value in yourself always.
Written by:
Poetic_ Butterfly
©July 19, 2015
